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Writer's pictureTom Foxley

Finding Meaning Beyond Success: A Personal Journey

The Paradox of Right and Wrong

It's astonishing how one can be both incredibly right and profoundly wrong simultaneously. My recent talk at a fitness and human performance gym, known for its commitment to men's issues and Movember support, highlighted this duality.

The Illusion of Success

Addressing a group of open-minded men, I delivered what I believed was a compelling talk. From the outside, my life seemed perfect. I was a newlywed, a successful entrepreneur, a former Royal Marines commando, a skilled outdoorsman, and a dog owner. However, beneath this veneer of success, I was grappling with deep-rooted imposter syndrome and a persistent sense of emptiness.

The Dissonance Within

Despite my external achievements, I felt misaligned. My mental fitness was strong, yet I felt off-track, like a train slightly derailed. This inner turmoil came to a head during my honeymoon, where I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. It wasn't mental illness driving this breakdown, but a profound misalignment with my life's direction.

A Bold Decision

I realised I was living a life that made sense on paper but felt utterly wrong. This led me to make a drastic decision: I closed down my business, let go of clients and team, and brought my income to zero. This difficult choice, however, brought an immediate sense of lightness and alignment.

The Pursuit of Meaning

I began to redefine success as engaging in activities that set my soul on fire. Meaning, I discovered, lies in pursuits that excite and engage us deeply, aligning with our innate strengths and interests. Meaningful work, I learned, is an antidote to suffering and a driver of genuine fulfilment.

Finding Your Path

To find meaning, I encourage asking oneself questions about personal goals, inspirations, and genuine intellectual curiosities. Meaningful life withstands challenges, driven by a deep sense of personal purpose. It's about listening to that inner voice, often ignored or suppressed.

Effortless Effort and Stability

On this path, one experiences 'effortless effort', a state of flow where actions align with deep interests. This journey isn't without resistance from others, but it brings a sense of stability and control.

The Emotional and Intellectual Journey

Embracing meaning often requires stepping into the unknown, guided by feelings rather than pure rationality. The initial steps are challenging, yet they are tinged with a sense of rightness.

A Life-Changing Quote

I often reflect on a quote, partly attributed to Henry David Thoreau, that inspires and terrifies me:

"Most men live lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them."

This quote serves as a reminder to not let our inner song remain unsung.


My journey has taught me that true success isn't measured by external achievements, but by how closely we align our lives with what is genuinely meaningful to us. As we navigate our paths, let's ensure we don't leave our unique songs unsung.



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